


How To Make A Monster

by Prismacoloured



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Daddy Issues, Eventual kylux, Everybody issues tbh it's Kylo, M/M, Manipulation, Mommy Issues, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-03-19
Packaged: 2018-05-27 17:33:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6293455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prismacoloured/pseuds/Prismacoloured
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben Solo couldn’t recollect when it had first started. The voice had been in his head for as long as he could remember.<br/>It had started off subtle, a soft push encouraging him to use the force to skim other people’s minds as he walked down the streets holding his mother’s hand as a young boy.<br/>--<br/>My attempt at a Kylo Ren origin story, starting from a young Ben Solo discovering his ability to use the force.<br/>Eventual Kylux, because I'm a filthy sinner.<br/>Rating will go up and tags will be added.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How To Make A Monster

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mems](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mems/gifts).



> So this started off as roleplay starter about how a young Ben Solo would become the infamous Kylo Ren.  
> Needless to say... this became a monster about my muse's backstory and I gave up trying to keep it short and decided to just make it a fic.
> 
> [My Kylo blog](http://volatileknight.tumblr.com), which is usually full of Adam Driver thirst.  
> Rewritten as a gift for [this shit](http://firstorderprotege.tumblr.com) who puts up with most of my SW fanboying. How dare you get me into this hell.

Ben Solo couldn’t recollect when it had first started. The voice had been in his head for as long as he could remember. It hadn’t been obvious at first and nothing as straightforward as simply hearing a voice telling him what to do. If it had then perhaps he would have spoken to somebody about it. Perhaps if he had done that then all of this could have been avoided.

It had started off subtle, a soft push encouraging him to use the force to skim other people’s minds as he walked down the streets holding his mother’s hand as a young boy. Although he knew it was probably the wrong thing to do his childish curiosity had won and he’d listened intently to people’s internal monologues as they went on with their own business, only jolted out of it as Leia noticed how unnaturally quiet he was being and asked him to run ahead and fetch her something. He’d brushed it off as just being normal for a kid his age to be testing his limits.

He’d been floating small objects around his room for weeks now, enjoying how he had discovered that he could move things about with only his own mind. It had scared him a little at first when he had been able to reach a small box of sweet treats from on top of a chest of drawers his father had put away for him not to eat till after dinner. He’d stood frozen with the sugared candies in pudgy little hands suddenly afraid that he’d done something wrong and that his parents would surely be _furious_ that he’d used the force to take what he wanted without asking. 

He knew of the Force of course, having seen the use of that telekinesis before when his uncle Luke had visited and had used the power to play little games with him. It was akin to a flashy magic show to a young boy growing up, something he’d admired and wished he could have for himself when running around outside going on his own imaginary adventures with a little wooden stick he’d carved little markings into and pretended was his very own lightsaber. But the reality was so very different from his games and now that he’d discovered that he had been blessed with the ability he suddenly found he didn’t want it anymore. He’d heard stories about the Jedi and how their lives were full of constant training and strict discipline. He’d have to leave his family behind to begin a new life somewhere far, far away. For a child who’d never even spent more than a few hours out of his parent’s sight, the thought of going off planet from them and not knowing when he’d ever see them again filled his small body with absolute terror. 

Tears had already begun rolling down soft cheeks when there was the odd sensation of his mind being wrapped up in a large warm blanket. His racing heartbeat began to slow and a warmth like a small fire sparked into life in his chest. Something inside of him soothed that fear and suddenly he just _knew_ that everything was going to be okay. There was a supposed age limit before people were allowed to be trained to be a Jedi and all he had to do was keep this whole thing a secret long enough that it would be far too late for him to be considered for it. Nobody had to know what he had done and he wiped away the tears on the sleeve of his shirt before spending the next hour trying to focus enough to float the sweets back onto their position back on top of the shelf, but not before helping himself to one of them with a small smile. It would be easier if it were a lighter box after all. 

But once he’d started he found it difficult to stop. He practiced listening to his parents from his bedroom, skimming the edges of his mother’s thoughts carefully, knowing that she would be able to instantly sense his presence if he pushed too hard. At first he’d thought he’d been caught as he’d been flicking through memories of himself as a young child, fascinated at seeing his own earliest memories from the viewpoint of another. He’d been halfway through remembering the time he’d come home one afternoon covered in mud and brown fur growling and pretending that he was related to uncle Chewie when there had suddenly been a spike in her subconsciousness and she immediately erected mental barriers which defended her thoughts against any sort of intruder. He’d retreated instantly back into his own head, sitting in his room in silence with his heart racing wondering if she’d be angry at him once she’d discovered that he’d been hiding secrets from her. 

Minutes passed as slowly as if they were hours as he waited for her to barge into his room demanding an explanation for his actions, but it never came. He’d hidden beneath the blankets on his bed, tempted to feign sickness to avoid seeing her the rest of the day and risk being caught out as she somehow always knew when he had done something wrong. But a grumbling stomach meant he soon crawled out when her voice rang from the kitchen announcing that it was time for dinner.  
She’d stroked his messy curls out of his face and asked if he was okay as he ate in silence, taking small bites from his plate until it was eventually all gone. A tentative brush of his mind against hers gave no implication that she was angry or upset, only a little concerned that he hadn’t finished his favourite meal with quite as much enthusiasm as normal. Taking this as encouragement, he promised himself he’d only try again on another force sensitive after he’d honed this new ability of his to perfection. He wasn’t ready. Not _yet._

His father was easier, whenever he happened to be around for Ben to practice on. His thoughts were always so loud and clear even without him making any effort, his mind would yield to the gentle pressure as he broke down barriers and let himself in to rummage around. He’d spent hours some nights digging around and watching all the stories from Han’s early years as a smuggler. He’d enjoyed seeing the adventures at first, only having his dreams of exploring the universe himself confirmed as he got to see different planets and galaxies through his father’s eyes. There was just so much out there that some nights he found he couldn’t sleep because of the only ever-growing excitement.  
He even taught himself the basics of piloting and electronics, to which Han seemed impressed with when he appeared to pick up how to fly so easily when he finally was officially sat down and taught. Ben had played innocent as if he were just a natural, picking up the talent from his good old dad. He would never admit that he’d been reading minds for years now, picking out the information he wanted from his father’s mind as easily as attracting flies with honey.

\--

A few years later at the age of ten, the Voice spoke again. Clearer this time. Bolder.  
It spoke of ways he could use this new power and encouraged him to use it to do more than just read minds. It told him he could twist them, change them, control them. Their minds were weak and he could learn to take what he wanted, as was his right to being a user of the Force. He was better than them. Those mortal men and women who bossed him about, told him ‘no’ and expected him to live as if he were just one of them. As if he were _normal_.  
He deserved better than this life chosen for him.  
He could **rule** them all. Have them trembling beneath his power.

Ben should have known better. He should have gone to his mother or uncle and spoken up about this, but the voice had never steered him wrong before so why would he be suspicious now? To a young boy the idea of feeling he was destined to something far greater was something he had only ever dreamt of. Being told he could reach out and take it only made him desire it more. He wanted. He craved. He needed. He wasn’t going to turn down the opportunity for greatness.

At night it spoke to him of his Grandfather. A man his family refused to acknowledge, who had desired power and had taken it upon himself to get it. A man whose legacy would live on through history forever as one of the strongest men to have existed. A name that still brought fear and memories of pain and suffering to creatures all across the galaxy.

_‘You could surpass him’_ the voice whispered into his ear as he drifted off to sleep, _‘You could have power that even Darth Vader only dreamt of obtaining. I can teach you.’_

He’d seen snippets before of this mysterious figure dressed from head to toe in black that he’d come to know as Darth Vader from their memories. Whenever he saw a hint of that imposing, terrible man he’d always retreated immediately, his whole body covered in sweat and tears thick and hot running down his face as he felt their fear as if it were his own. It was always too much for him to handle. Too many raw emotions hidden away obviously for a very good reason.  
He’s had far too many nights where he’d woken up screaming, thrashing about as he felt an imaginary hand clenched tight around his throat. The image clear as day of a man standing over him, iconic mask concealing his features and the sound of breathing heavily amplified through a filter ringing in his ears. 

That night as his parents drifted off to sleep he’d dared to press deeper into their minds than he ever had before. Sweat beading on his forehead as he forced himself to swallow down the bile that rose to his throat as he pushed past barriers with a strength he hadn’t ever believed he could possess. He knew that he couldn’t have done this alone, but Ben also knew he wasn’t alone right now. There was a familiar presence there with him and he could feel the warmth of hands resting on his shoulders, giving a squeeze of encouragement as he peeled away layers of his mother’s defences, careful as to not give away what he was doing. He knew he didn’t have much time once he got inside and that he’d have to grab what he needed and leave almost immediately; but the challenge excited him. He _knew_ he could do this. He was destined for this. 

He almost wept in relief as he finally broke through that last remaining shield and slipped inside that forbidden place where all the biggest secrets were kept.

And suddenly all at once he knew that the Voice hadn’t been lying to him all those years.  
He barely made it to the fresher in time before he emptied his stomach of everything he’d eaten that day, arms trembling beneath him as he tried to control his breathing and not make enough noise to wake anybody in the house up.  
The voice had been right. He was related to that vision from his nightmares. And he could be more powerful than him. His parents had tried to hide this from him. They were _ashamed_ of their lineage and wished for nothing else than to keep this from their son for as long as possible, if not forever if it were possible. Keep him restrained and oblivious to his true potential. 

‘Why?’ he asked, screaming it inside his head hoping that the voice would somehow hear and answer, despite the presence being faint and soft now, ‘Why would anybody not want to be as strong as somebody like him?’  
He’d only been afraid because his _parents_ were afraid. Ben Solo had nothing to be scared of and he promised himself as he felt his consciousness slipping away once he’d crawled into bed that he’d never let anything scare him like that ever again. He’d teach himself the ways of the force as best he could on his own and then one day when he was ready he would leave and seek out this Teacher. That nameless voice who promised that it would support him and train him and tell him every day that there was nothing he had to be ashamed of.

\--

After a few months of trial and error he soon had shopkeepers letting him off without paying for goods, convinced that he had given them the money they had asked for despite Ben never giving them a single credit in weeks. He’d only heard the theory of Jedi mind tricks and while he definitely didn’t want to ever be one of _them_ , he couldn’t deny that their techniques were definitely of some use. He could walk off with his arms full of groceries for his mother and would pocket the coins he’d been given for the purpose of paying for them. He begun to keep the money in a small box beneath his bed, intending to put them towards his future trip when he finally escaped from this planet to go on his journey. He didn’t know when he’d leave quite yet, having been told by the Voice that ‘he’d know’ when it was time, but he had his plans all finalised a thousand times over in his head down to maps stashed away with possible planets to hide on and a slowly growing stash of rations slowly hidden away in a bag with some emergency clothing and a blaster he’d found and repaired himself, just in case. It didn’t hurt to be prepared.

He slowly learnt he could manipulate the thoughts of other people enough to control them, causing fights to break out across courtyards as he watched with mild amusement or a pilot flying far above his head to suddenly swerve slightly off course for just a moment before quickly correcting themselves before causing an accident. He’d been tempted to push it further as his powers grew in strength and let it be said that Ben Solo had never had been the type to resist temptation. 

His parents had no idea that their quiet little son occasionally had a hand in their fights, having pushed some more of their colourful discussions into full blown arguments which half the time ended up with Han storming out the house needing to get away from things. Once or twice he even left on a sudden job he’d found himself to do, probably trafficking something Leia didn’t approve of in the slightest which only made things worse as she shouted and cried as he left with a slam of the front door. Meanwhile Ben sat alone in his room with a soft smile on his lips, flicking through tomes on engineering or trying his hand at making his own little droid like he’d known his grandfather was prone to doing when he was younger. 

Then he made his first and biggest mistake. He grew over confident. 

Somebody passing in the street one sunny afternoon had seen him tucking bits and pieces into a small bag with no intention of walking to the counter to pay for them. A loud shout had broken his concentration and the alien behind the counter had instantly snapped out of the stupor a teenage Ben had put him in, suddenly very much aware of the scam Ben had been pulling and anger burning hot and fierce. Quickly realising the situation would be impossible to salvage, Ben dropped his armful of machinery parts and made a bolt for the door.

He heard yelling behind him as he fled knowing there were at least three of them behind him now. He could feel their rage in their thoughts; the shopkeeper finally understanding why his stock numbers weren’t adding up with the money he made each day and fully intending to get his payback on having been robbed of so much over the years. He fully intended to share his findings with everyone in town who’d been experiencing the same problems, for which there were many. There was definitely no way out of this unless he took the time to slowly wipe the memory of everyone involved, and that could take _months.._  
Luckily his still lithe stature and knowledge of all the back streets from years of exploring in his free time as a child meant he was able to escape without getting caught and he didn’t dare stop to catch his breath until the footsteps behind him gradually faded out completely and the adrenaline slowly faded into a mild panic. What was he to do now? 

This must be what the Voice had meant. Now was the time he was meant to leave. He obviously still had much to learn and doing it on his own wasn’t enough. He **needed** a teacher and this was the proof that he had learnt all he could on his own, all he needed to do was get his things and leave. He suddenly wished he’d left his supplies somewhere- anywhere other than at home. He was going to have to risk it. There was a moment where he wondered why he never heard a word from his future teacher now when he needed it most, but it was quickly deemed not worth worrying about when he knew he needed to focus on putting his careful plan into action. 

He waited for hours hiding down alleyways till the sun finally set before returning home, hoping he could sneak in through the back and avoid speaking to his parents before grabbing his bag and slipping out again into the night, never to return. But of course he had been recognised by multiple witnesses to what had happened and they had gotten there before him to explain their side of the story. The second the door closed behind him his mother and father were quickly there to confront him.

Hours of yelling and tears from both sides later, his parents had made their decision. A decision that Ben was greatly displeased with and made it perfectly clear. Loudly. Shouting in his defence that he’d done absolutely nothing wrong and that the townspeople just had some sort of grudge against him from the start, using him as a scapegoat for a few missing fruits or scraps of metal. His mother had sat down, exhausted from the arguments and adrenaline and announced that now they had the knowledge that Ben was so much stronger with the Force than they had at first realised, he was to be sent off to train with his uncle Luke at his so called ‘Jedi academy’. He would leave first thing in the morning to be trained how to use his skills for the greater good instead of for himself as it was clear he was doing from all the evidence they’d gathered over the years. 

He had protested, cried, shouted and promised over and over that he’d behave, that it wouldn’t happen again and insisting that it wasn’t his fault- but they stood firm to their decision. Only a small selection of his clothes were packed into a bag ready for his departure the next day, leaving his most precious possessions behind and telling him that ‘Jedi aren’t allowed to keep such things’ as he tried to convince them to let him take them too. 

That night Ben bearly slept. He spent the long dark hours staring outside his window, cheeks wet from tears as he tried to work out any way he could possibly escape from the inevitable. He supposed he could still run away, but it wouldn’t be long till he was caught especially if uncle Luke would be there in a few short hours to come collect him. All his money and supplies had been discovered from their hiding places and immediately confiscated, leaving him with nothing of any real value. Nothing that would pay for him to get a ride to another planet anyway, let alone afford get him across the galaxy to wherever his teacher was hiding before his family caught up with him. 

It all seemed so hopeless. The future full of darkness and loneliness and with absolutely no bright side to what was about to happen.  
So Ben did the only thing he thought he could do when everything seemed impossible.  
He called out for help.

The Voice answered.

It told him to stay strong. That things were going according to plan.

_‘Things may seem bleak, boy, but we all must suffer first to gain the strength we desire. There is much pain in your future, but there is also a great power. I promise you that your path is not as one of the Jedi. Go to the academy and one day we shall meet.’_

For a boy who felt he was about to lose everything, this was the reassurance he needed. He didn’t question it, latching onto the idea like a child would a treasured soft toy and finally drifted off into sleep with a soft smile on his lips.


End file.
